1000 Awful Things

I was sitting at my living room table this morning, reducing a maximum pairing problem from a longest path problem (that’s NP-complete) into a shortest path via Bellman-Ford when a girl walks into my apartment with a comforter wrapped around her (she had something underneath, also). I guess I left my door open after going downstairs to get some coffee. I asked if I could help her, and she just asked to use the bathroom. I was completely confused (as was she!), and mentioned that after taking a mega-dump that morning I was out of toilet paper — she didn’t care — so I said OK. So, she went in the bathroom, without closing the door, did the deed, and then tried to leave my apartment. I had anticipated there being some difficulty in this, so kept my front door propped open. So, leaving my bathroom she walked into my bedroom and tried to exit through my closet, which didn’t end in an exit. Next, she tried my front room closet; again, to no avail. Then finally I asked if she was OK with no answer that seemed to resemble English. Then, asked whether she knew where she was; this time an answer, but is was “NO.” Finally, I asked whether she knew where she was going with the same response. So, I helped her to my neighbor’s apartment, where the door was open. Needless to say, I think this young woman is going to be in for a surprise if she has a drug-test to take anytime in the near future.