1000 Awful Things

I was sitting at my living room table this morning, reducing a maximum pairing problem from a longest path problem (that’s NP-complete) into a shortest path via Bellman-Ford when a girl walks into my apartment with a comforter wrapped around her (she had something underneath, also). I guess I left my door open after going downstairs to get some coffee. I asked if I could help her, and she just asked to use the bathroom. I was completely confused (as was she!), and mentioned that after taking a mega-dump that morning I was out of toilet paper — she didn’t care — so I said OK. So, she went in the bathroom, without closing the door, did the deed, and then tried to leave my apartment. I had anticipated there being some difficulty in this, so kept my front door propped open. So, leaving my bathroom she walked into my bedroom and tried to exit through my closet, which didn’t end in an exit. Next, she tried my front room closet; again, to no avail. Then finally I asked if she was OK with no answer that seemed to resemble English. Then, asked whether she knew where she was; this time an answer, but is was “NO.” Finally, I asked whether she knew where she was going with the same response. So, I helped her to my neighbor’s apartment, where the door was open. Needless to say, I think this young woman is going to be in for a surprise if she has a drug-test to take anytime in the near future.

I have this great feature, where at night and in the morning none of my laptops (not my phone) can connect to my wi-fi either because

1. A connection cannot be made
2. It doesn’t recognize the password (that hasn’t changed in two years)
3. The signal is low

I’m surprised I was able to even publish this — I’m probably on my neighbors network.  Gooooooooooooooooooo Time Warner Cable and Internet!

Seriously, what is a better way to get people to accidentally dial 911 then have a phone where, in order to dial out, you have to dial 91?  Who ever came up with this scheme is probably the same person who came up with the pet rock or drive in daquiri shop.  Granted, since you only get a dial tone after you dial 91 it’s not that bad, but still, getting someone in the habit of dialing 91 before calling is just probably not the best idea.

The pipes in my building suck, hence there is now standing water in my tub and the sinks are stopped up.  I hate bad pipes.